Musings: Vroom, Vroom

In the season finale of This is a Metaphor. Mo get’s her motorcycle endorsement thinking the class would teach her how to ride. But reality showed up with 90-degree heat, a course full of cones, a too-big bike, and a series of stalls that had her feeling like a real dummy. Her instructor’s big note? Loosen up, Momo. 

The more she tried to look competent, the stiffer she got, and the harder it was to do the most basic things like easing out the clutch and trusting the bike.

What messed with her the most was the ending. She fucking passed, but she didn’t feel proud. She felt shame, like she’d been handed something she hadn’t earned, and that kicked up a bigger conversation about imposter syndrome, performance anxiety, and the way scorekeeping can ruin learning.  Mo didn’t want to know the points, the marks, the numbers. She wanted the moment where it all clicked, the difference between doing something with your body and understanding it in your head.

It turns out, sometimes you’re rewarded for moving before you feel ready.

This is the season finale, and she’d love to make the next season better. Listen through, then subscribe, share it with a friend who’s learning something hard, and maybe leave a review? Most importantly, send her feedback on what’s working and what isn’t, and tell her who you’d love to have on next season. 
She probably doesn’t have the clout to acquire them, but she’s gonna try anyway. Endorsement, or no endorsement. 

Instagram: @tiam.podcast &  @joyscout.mo 

For Guest Inquiries, collaborations, and questions:

Email Mo: mo@joyscoutstudio.com

“Don’t get Deterred, get Inspired” 

Transcript

Stiff Arms And A Big Bike

Mo 0:09

My motorcycle instructor told me that I needed to loosen up. He was like, You are so stiff. Like you, you know, he would he would call out motorcyclists driving around us, you know, on because you're practicing in the middle of a a parking lot next to a mall, a shopping mall. And there are cones and there are six other men on their motorcycles. And there's me on mine, which is too big for me. And all of these other dudes have had apparently it's pretty much in other states you don't have to have a motorcycle license. Like you could legally drive on the road and you'd be fine. And a lot of these guys have been riding their bikes for years and they've never had a license. And I was under the impression that I had to get my license so that I could learn to ride a bike because I've never been on a motorcycle. I mean, I was on the back of one a couple times in my lifetime, but like never have I been the one steering it around and wondering about gears. And um no, I don't know how to drive a manual stick car either. And so absolutely delusional. I was a delusional person this past weekend, and um it worked out. I don't know how. I don't know why. Maybe my instructor just really doesn't like failing people, and maybe I was one step away from just getting denied. But um, I would have understood. I would have understood if he was like, listen, I can't in good conscience pass you because you are going to injure yourself. But he didn't do that. Instead, he was like, everybody passed. I wanted to take a three-day training, and be at the end of this training, you you take the test, you train, and then you go immediately into the test, and then you understand if you pass or fail, and you get a motorcycle endorsement on your license. I needed a three-day training. What I needed was a three-week training, but man, I so many of my demons presented themselves in this two-day 90-degree weather, middle of a parking lot experience. And it was reminding me that dude, it just I don't think I'm a strong test taker, especially not when I haven't been able to practice. Like I just it was as if I was experiencing it from another as you know, I was doing things that I knew that I wasn't supposed to do, and yet I could not stop myself from doing them. It's like all I could focus on was not to do because I couldn't see how to do it. And it was like everything that I'd ever trained for, as far as mindset in this last year, was like, let's see how you're doing. And I was like, not so good, because you're not supposed to put your feet on the ground. Um, you're supposed to have maneuverability, and a lot of a lot of the relationship with you in the motorcycle is in your legs, and your torso is just kind of supposed to be kind of loose and your arms are a bit loose, you know, and and and you're supposed to get real, real comfortable with the clutch. You ease up on the clutch, and the clutch will set you free. Or you'll be in second gear, starting straight out the gate, because you didn't know that you weren't in first, and you will

Passing Without Feeling Proud

Mo 3:55

stall again and again and again until everybody behind you who's waiting to run the course that you're all learning together is like, what is going on? Do you need help? Like, you need to let off the clutch slower. And I was like, I am letting off the clutch. It was really frustrating. And um, I don't enjoy looking wildly incompetent, especially not in front of a group of dudes. And yet, this this delightful instructor who I seriously considered having on this podcast was was like, here's your here's your license, you know, and it made me think that no matter what you do sometimes in life, maybe there is something that is so deeply meant for you, whether or not you are ready and appear to be within capabilities of doing this thing, you will, it will be yours. And I wish I could say that I felt proud when I got the license. Like, gotcha. Instead, I just if it was that thing that you know when you get something that you do not feel as though you deserve, and I felt shame. I felt so much shame. And yet, it's inspiring. Like I felt inspired, and I felt good about the fact that I knew that I was absolutely brutalizing my nervous system with how stupid I felt and looked. And I wish deeply that someone had recorded this experience so that maybe a year from now I could I could see the ridiculousness of of where I started and and hopefully where I'll be with a lot more practice. But my goodness, isn't that inspiring to know that you can actually just be endorsed? Sometimes you'll just get the thing that you want. And you know, everybody that I knew that I said this to was like, you know what? I'm actually a bit worried about that. They're worried that you can get 11 marks on your test. 11 total marks is like how many you can get before failing. And I got 10. And I was not gonna ask. I had absolutely no intention of asking how many marks I got. I don't want to know. I don't

Not Keeping Score While Learning

Mo 6:05

wanna know. There's so many things that I want to know in life. I wanna know what's next. I want to know the good stuff coming in. I don't want to know when I'm gonna get my next client. I wanna know, like, you know, how many trips I'm gonna take this year. I wanna know, I just want to know what's around the corner, and yet I don't really want to know the specifics. I don't want to keep score. I can't, I I don't wanna, I don't wanna know the numbers. These two things are very related to me in my mind because I don't want to know the score because now the game isn't fun. And when I'm learning to ride a motorcycle, like I didn't want to know. We shouldn't look at it as I passed the test. We should look at it as I almost failed the test. And what's really important is that right now I can be talking about this and I can see the humor in it, and I I and it is a bit of a I mean it's a warm, warm blanket to cuddle myself up in to be amused at the ridiculousness of having passed. And I can laugh now at myself, and yet in the moment I I wanted deeply to be the person who was laughing at themself, and I couldn't, I just couldn't quite let go of the person who needed to know what she was doing. And I wanted to let go of her so that I could be the person who learned to know what she was doing. And um it's like if I could just accept that this is new, there's like some part of me that's like, you have to be good at this because maybe I knew that I would be if I wasn't so distracted with the performance of it. Because I yeah, there's just something there. There's just something there that I'm not. And I was also like, oh my god, is this a part of who I am? Like this is just the the wonderful shadow of Morgan Houston, the one who maybe doesn't who has performance anxiety, and her friends are like, Yep, she's probably gonna have a meltdown, guys. And it's like that an endearing quality that if I was writing some character, that this would be the thing that you, the audience, knew about. And honestly, those are some of my favorite characters, the ones who just absolutely freak out when they're trying to do something because they're being watched, versus that they're so capable of doing it, you know? Like Ben Stiller is really good at being that person who suddenly is just losing, or like a Will Farrell, like the the characters who slowly start to just completely unravel. Um, and it's hilarious. And maybe I'm laughing because there's a part of me that's like, I know exactly what this looks and feels like. And but also I know what the other side looks like when you

Performance Anxiety And The Inner Comic

Mo 8:55

nailed it. And I'm just I'm just wondering how those two people coexist. And it's like it's remarkable that both of those truths can exist within me. And I just want to be the one who's like laughing at myself and unbothered. Like, like right now, because I'm talking about it, it's like some sort of ability to feel control over the moment. But like in the moment, the only control you can have is is that you do actually you are comfortable with not knowing how to do this thing, and that that maybe will set you free into the into allowing it to become itself. Because it just at one moment something just connects, and every single one of us has experienced what that feeling is because there's that moment where we're like, oh my god, I like I I got it, and there's an I there's the difference between I get it, like you you understand technically how to do something, and then there's the first like I got it, like I did it, and I don't know how I did it, but I did it. And um, I wanted a lot more of the I got sits because at the end I did I did it, and I don't know how I did it for sure. Um, but it's it's funny. I screenshotted uh a little quote that found me a couple hours after I got my endorsement, and it was to act upon the desire before one is ready will send you far in life. I d I do not believe that that's the quote word for word, but I was like, that is exactly what happened. I was not ready. I did the thing, and sometimes you were just rewarded for that was enough. That was all it took. Like, keep keep doing the thing. You're supposed to be here. And there might be a lot of voices in your head saying, like, I am not supposed to be here, and who is it that I thought that I was a moment ago? But that that that voice, that's just the questioning and and the how. The how just happens to you, man. And suddenly you have to pay $40 for a new license, even though your old one's perfectly good, and they can't just somehow digitally stamp a new M on it. You have to have a new piece of plastic that says you can ride this motorcycle, but it's it's worth it, I think. And a lot of things are are worth it. This podcast has been worth it. And it leads me to to a closing question, which is um I hope this podcast has been worth it for you. If you have have spent some time here and listening, um, I know when people reach out about an episode that it makes my day, my week, my year. It makes it makes it makes it. And um there's a lot of trial and error involved. And this is this is the last episode for the season. It's been a real blessing and a privilege. And I'm

Act Before You Feel Ready

Mo 11:55

sincerely grateful for for having downloads and for having shares and for having uh you know people come on and and to be able to open up to me and and talk with me. There's I've I've learned a lot, and um, I would really like to switch up the format next season after I take a breather and and have more of a set schedule. But my closing question to you, dear sweet listener, is that um I would love it deeply if you could give me feedback on what was working for you and what was not working for you, because that means a lot to me. And in the beginning it would have been too much. I would have been like, I don't, it's too much information. Don't tell me what's working and what isn't. I'm only just beginning. And and now I've begun and I got some stuff. And I would love feedback as to like what you want more of and and what you were like, this part's too much. You know, like be and I welcome, I welcome your thought, I welcome the feedback

Season Finale And Listener Feedback

Mo 12:58

and the critique. You know, it's at the end of a season. Like I can I can take it now. Whereas before it would have been too much to handle. I would have been in the the you know what I mean? I would have been getting the points. People would have been telling me the point system, and I wouldn't have been able to to figure out the the getting, the getting good. And I'm a little more confident now, and I think maybe my form could use some critique. So please do send me some feedback. Um, you can leave a voice message, you could email me, you can find me on Instagram. And yeah, is there something you want to hear more of? Do you do you have feedback on what you think this podcast is about? I would love to hear your thoughts. And if, as always, if I haven't made this part clear, if there's anyone you think that um would be wonderful for me to talk to and would enjoy talking to me too, please, please suggest them. You know, send that send them my way. I'm already stacking up interviews for season two. I cannot and will not say when season two will begin. It is summer and I've got a lot of projects on my my docket, and I'm so grateful for the clients that have found me and for the expansion of my my studio. I'm I'm feeling very ooh, I felt a little emotional just then. I felt I feel like a lucky, lucky, lucky girl. So thank you for listening, thank you for sharing, and yeah, give me some feedback. I can take it.